This response is usually accompanied by an extremely puzzled look, and often followed a comment along the lines of “so what are you then?
” And, like clockwork, after I explain that I’m just a regular black woman, men often utter a variation of, “oh, I though you were exotic, you have such good hair and that Spanish skin tone.” (I used to politely try to entertain the conversation by explaining my entire heritage; I’ve since stopped.) By this time the puzzled look is often replaced by one of disgust, like I had deceived the man in some way.
Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Don't read too much into it."Ummm,it's a LOOOONNNNG way from some light bondage during sex to THAT...."-Dee4166Yep, agreed it is a looooong way.
Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... LOLIn fact..men that I've met feel that a woman who is TOO "comfortable" with her sexuality is a sign that she is a slut or sleeps around...."-Dee4166It depends on her sexuality I guess lol. lol Someone who offers to sleep with me without even knowing me would strike me as easy. S&M has a long range, softcore like light bondage to the creepy stuff I mentioned.
First impressions count, but they are not always right.
The most troubling thing that I find about these sentiments is that they are mostly uttered by men who would fall into the darker-skinned categories (reminder: this is my own lived experience, yours might be different). And, for the record, the only reason that I want to hear that you love my skin is because it’s clear, moisturized, and blemish-free.
The dating game is hard enough as it is without the complications of race and colorism.
But, in my own lived experience, the questions of race and color are impossible to avoid. Cole’s comments on the prominence of colorism in the black community and taking ownership of its probable role in his success, it is clear that skin color still carries underlying meanings of blackness.
There seems to be nothing more disappointing to a man than realizing he accidentally went on a date with a light-skinned black woman and not someone Puerto Rican, Brazilian, or something else “exotic.” Ironically, many people amazed at my limited Spanish-speaking abilities only speak one language.
Nonetheless, this is just one aspect of the light-skinned black girl disadvantage in the dating arena. Aside from implying that I am a black woman of the fake variety – whatever that means – this comment both simultaneously offends me while completely denigrating black women. And, for the record, neither all women with children nor all black women use motherhood status as an “excuse.” Nor are all people “like me” on welfare.