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I was the oracle, remembering each detail from my supporting role. I was causing trouble, making things difficult for everyone."What happened to you back there? Just like that, you lose your footing, and you're in over your head. He noticed my sudden distance and pouted, unsettling to see in an adult.

There was safety in the shadows, but also a kind of darkness. " my friend whispered as we walked back to the car with the guys a few steps ahead. "Like we were supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend, or something.""Well," she said slowly. I'd completely accepted her romance with an older guy as normal, even destined. When he wasn't upset, he was in kindness overdrive, buying me things: a gold necklace with a floating heart, stuffed animals.

How wonderful it felt to have an "adult" who valued our opinion; thought we were not just cute but interesting. I was wearing a Bundeswehr tank top I'd gotten at an Army supply store and faded jeans, a thrift shop crucifix around my neck. But as we sat there together in the sunshine, the wine buzzing my head, I suddenly felt … With real life, however, and memory especially, it is harder to keep things so neat and organized. In the first, I snuck out of the house with a guy friend who lived down the street. My friend came back, we went home and I slid back into my bed. The second incident I remember happened when he was giving me a ride home. I'd been quiet for so long, worried about hurting his feelings and the ripple effects of whatever actions I took. You don't need to offer an explanation, even if someone asks you for one. You can't just hang out with a guy and not expect him to get ideas, I told myself. Especially for girls, who are often taught that being polite and sweet should override all other instincts. That if something feels wrong, that's all the reason you need to get out of there.

My best friend was 14 when she fell in love with a 21 year old. My friend's older boyfriend was close with a guy I'll call T. My mother, spying him from the front window, asked me how old he was."I don't know," I said. After awhile, my friend and her boyfriend disappeared, leaving T. Many memories remain fuzzy, but incidents such as that day in the forest remain in crisp detail. It was late and my parents were asleep as we drove over to the house where T. At some point, my friend left to go somewhere, and for whatever reason I didn't go with him. Maybe he only stepped out to go to the store down the block. This was after the night at his house, though how much later I cannot say. "That's your mom talking."I told him that this wasn't true: it was my choice. He stopped the car with a jerk, right past the top of my driveway, and I grabbed the door handle and got out. For many years afterward, I took total blame for everything that happened between me and T. It was with this in mind that I began my narrator Sydney's story in I'm 44 now, married with a daughter of my own. The teen years loom ahead and I've experienced too much to rest easily. Don't worry about being nice, or hurting someone's feelings: they'll get over it. You don't have to wait, I want to tell her, until you have no choice.

, the outstanding analysis blog of online matchmaking site Ok Cupid, has demonstrated with brutal clarity that for women dating online, it’s downhill from here. Apparently, internet lore says there’s a rule for this sort of thing:♦◊♦This would suggest that women can only date up, and men can only date down, and that gay people don’t exist.

At 21, we’re at the statistical height of our appeal, desirable to men of all ages, sought after, and buried under a barrage of adoring messages. At 26, men suddenly win the numerical upper hand and after 30, well… You could remove the gendered notation and make it more politically correct, but a mathematical equation is hardly the best way to measure compatibility.

im 16 and dating a 21 year old-65im 16 and dating a 21 year old-5

If you’re 32 and you don’t want to settle down, that’s fine.

Because of this, I was drawn to people like my best friend, who was dynamic and bold.

She was the one who things happened to, the starting point of every story. He, in turn, went to find my friend and her boyfriend, who were none too pleased at having to leave so soon after we got there. Hearing that he wanted more felt like wading into the deep end. had feelings for me, I felt strange every time I saw him.

I think, I hope, it’s safe to assume that most of us find a 35-year gap extreme.

Where do we regular people, not the cradle-robbers, cougar-hunters and Hugh Hefners of the world, actually draw the lines? What parameters represent good judgment and what parameters just indicate a fixation with age or status?

560 comments

  1. Aug 1, 2011. Example, 28-year-old guy 28/2 = 14. 14 + 7 = 21. If you're a woman Subtract seven from your age, double the answer. This is the maximum age of your prospective pool of men. Example, I'm 23. 23 – 7 = 16. 16 x 2 = 32. ♢◊♢. This would suggest that women can only date up, and men can only date down.

  2. It's really really strange for a 21 year old to go out with a 15 year old girl. I'm 16, and no - I don't date old men. Just as some comments had shown, if you are in your early twenties, and then if he is older than you by around 5 years, it doesn't matter. But the fact that you are still in your teens and he in his twenties will never.

  3. Ah yes. Spring is in the air! Relationships & Dating with younger or older people. Interests are the same. but will longevity and commitment be there in the years ahead? Thoughts? Stories? The biggest age gap I've ever been with

  4. Thursday, August 21, 2014 by Ashley Reese. Okay but what if the age difference is super tiny! what if I'm 16-years-old and my boyfriend just turned 18-years-old? Can he be. So I'm going to tell you from my point of view why something just smells off when someone in their 20s and older is dating a teenager. While I.

  5. I dont see too many 60 years old having sex with 18 years old, so im not sure where that is coming from a 21 years old and a 16 year old? hmmmmm Im thinking buddy has some issues? why cant he meet a girl his age? why must he be hitting high schools for date, isnt he worried they will look like freaks at.

  6. Jan 31, 2012. I'm a 21 year old femme & have been dating a 16-years-older butch for more than a year. Things are just fine so far. I'm a bit of an old lady don't like to stay out late, don't drink much, I knit and she's got some standard peter pan syndrome so we meet somewhere in the middle. I think the cultural generation.

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